I have been converted to permanent staff as I decided to postpone my studies for a year.Main result is becoz I failed my UOL badly and decided to try RMIT instead. But realised that I am short of 10k. 10k!!! So no choice..work for a year and save like cow. I can also join my boy on the next year intake for RMIT so we can go and back from school.

Today is the day my new queen size bed arrive at my room. Excited for it as I am hoping for the bed for as long as I stayed here. I am really happy until evening something happen between baby and me. He insisted that I stop buying sandwiches from bakery shop as it is too expensive. But I do not like bread with peanut which has no ham or cheese. So I decided to not seek his words and bought the bread.And the face of his went black.He refused to talk to me. I know why, he thinks it is wasting money coz I buy it almost daily. Another thing is, his wallet only left few dollars, buying bread for me means zero. My wallet was in the car! I could have return to him later.
Then when we went back home, his dad suggest going out himself to drink beer. Guess is becoz his dad argued with his mum, but my baby blamed me! He said "See la, buy ur sandwich no money left dad have to go out buy beer himself." WTH! He nv said that he need to buy beer back for his dad! I straight away return him the 10buck and shouted at him. WTF man! I tried to sayang u, den becoz of this, u blamed me?! I am so so mad now.

bla bla

Ben admitted to hospital today becos of a minor surgery for his tonsil. His tonsil are too large and swollen so they need to be cut off in order to prevent sore throat happening too much, most impt....NO MORE SNORING! When I went to see him in the evening at his ward, he can't speak much to me, saying that his throat is too painful. My poor baby. Seeing him like this make my heart ache.

Work life been gd so far, just boring stuff..but strange, I actually like going to work. My colleagues and boss are good ppl, friendly and fun. I love my colleague Crystal & Yanling so much! But tmr is Crystal heading to other department soon. Miss her. GUess wad... I agree to buy a new remote control toy car for baby last saturday for $433!!!!! OMG!!! My heart is seriously pain...but he is bugging me for many days. I used the $300 that I helped him saved last time and the rest was paid by me. I only have this baby, if he is happy, I am happy. Another happy thing is, we decided to buy a new queen size bed!! I am so damn god happy!!!!! No more shifting bed down and up. No more snoring at my ear. We actually wanna budget and buy a whole set at COURTS. But when he told his parents about it, dad actually wanna sponsor us the new bed and told us to buy a better brand. Which means over 1000-2000. I actually wanna use my own money to buy the bed, coz is for both of us to use. But I think coz dad wanna his son to sleep better too. Maybe they will accept my monthly installment to them?! =D

Work = MONEY = HAPPY. I am easily satisfacted. I just need money to survive. To able to bring my baby eat better. And we love one another so much!

Work life!

It has been soo soo long since I last wrote. I had a temp job assignment last min on 23th of july. I am working at CJ now as a temp admin assistant. Work has been great so far! Sometimes there will ton of works to do, sometimes more relax, but I always planned my time well and spread my work evenly. No work = more bored. Known a very nice friend call Yanling there. She was younger than me by 1 year and I saw her at recruit express on the same day I went there to sign my contract! She has been a nice girl, without her at work I think I will be talking to wall. Many people thought we knew each other long ago as we get along so well! Haha. Is always nice to know a friend that get along with you.

My results are coming in early sept. Sigh. I hate the feeling of going back to school, hiding in the room, no TV no internet just study. And the worst part after studying so much is forgetting most parts of it. I hate UOL studies. Is so difficult. =(((

I wish I have more money so I will start to save up for baby and me.

Been having headache and bad sleep recently. My boyfriend snoring has came back. Louder and more! But I knew is part of his throat problem that he will be having surgery next month. But I have been waken up from dreams number of times in the night. Today is a good day for me as phone calls have been coming in. Tomorrow will be having a few interviews which is good news!

Something have been bothering me inside my heart. I am terribly worry about my coming results which is next month. Worse thing happened ytd, my boyfriend room air-con have been dripping water which wet all my notes and study guides which make my mood worse. It makes me feel that I am bound to fail many subjects this time round. I have backup plans in my mind alr. Failing of many subjects running through my mind. Study also stress, never study also stress. I am thinking what kind of occupation I am aiming for after graduate. I totally have no goal or any ambition. I feel aimless in life, which.. doesnt match my character. I am the kind of person who aim towards a goal and do things very systematic. But right now, I only know studying business related is good for my future. But what future? I do not know.

Father day!

Today is monday, 22th. My sis, dad and mum went to hongkong. I am the only one left to look after office. This is what my sister always persuade me long ago. It all happened last friday that my sister argued with my father and she left for hongkong in anger. But after awhile she phone dad to ask them come over. Everything is good.

Miss my boyfriend. Miss his little fat face, he must be missing me too.

Sunny Tuesday

Today quarrel with boyfriend again. Ya the word 'again'. I don't understand him sometimes. He just don't get my idea. He don't listen. Yet he hate me for nagging. Can't he just do whatever I asked and do it straight away without me repeating.

This time is becoz he taken cab this morning. Yesterday he alr taken cab.. I warned him on sunday night do not cab but he still did. Monday night I told him no cab anymore, but he still do it this morning! I purposely keep waking him up, but he lazy. When he woke up, he start using his computer!! WTH he can jus prepare like in 5mins n rush out for that bus. I trusted him, let him sleep abit later at night, but in the end he still can't wake up in morning. He cant blame everyone from crashing to his door to wake him up every morning, coz he should know he can't do it by himself! In the morning I keep asking him, y ain't you changing your uniform? He just 'later,later'. I really get fed up with him. He argued that his mum had passed him some money. He is like this! When he has extra money in his wallet, first time he thinking is take cab to work. Once a week still ok, but too many times is bad. His mum really spoilt him and his sister. All do not know how to have tough life.

We already have financial problem.. he knows that I haven't found a job. and I have plently of bills to pay. If he is sensible enough, he should save those extra $15 everytime for that cab fare. Not alot..but once u added up in a month is enough for my bill. Every month he said he will contribution to my bill, but he only did it once. ONCE. I should remember never trust a guy's word. Esp my boyfriend. Sigh. Hope I found a job soon!

Aftermath

Life have been busy lately. Rushing for exams... little time to play game. Stressed.But now is finally over! But I do not really have confidence passing my exams as my mood last minute become so demoralize. I felt at a point that why is studying for this course so tough.. is like i using up my whole blood. Feel tiring and sian. And I start to give up on studying...and near to exams.. i can't catch up with the notes I been writing the last few weeks or months. Bad ah.. I feel real guilty about it. Blame it on my game! OR anything! I just feel SIANNN. Now I need to find a JOB to feed me. I hope to get it by 1st June so that I have $$. I have been meeting my parents few weeks back. A few times to have meals together. Guess is ok now.. But my dad has some law case lately regarding about his company that MOM may sue him to jail. Is mainly because of sister. She finally have a taste of she can get mistakes. She always think that she is the smartest, everyone should listen to her. If this wasn't her mistake, she will scold that person to hell. She is that kinda person. Horrible fat unreasonable woman! Ok now I will keep playing my game until I mad and watch many horrible movie!

Rainy dark morning

Been quite a while since my last confession. today is 20th April. Time is passing so fast that I feel that 24hours is not enough! My first paper is on 7th May and I am way behind my schedule. I just feel tired n exhausted after the prelim. It is so tough~ Sigh. And my addiction to Celestial Destroyer hasn't been helping me. And god~ weather is so hot nowadays! I mean HOTTTTT. I can feel the heat everywhere. Finally it shows sign of raining today. Even the water of the tap is hot. I am feeling so bad n guilty that I lost so much time of not studying. GODDD help me!

Ytd night I found out that Ben's parents are going pasir, italy..loads of places. All the places that I wished to go. But never that I feel excited even I knew they will bring me along. I just unhappy the fact that they restrict Ben from taking leaves, but for their own benefits of so they can go holidays together at end of year. Iterally taking the whole leave period which is 12days. I was saving and hoping to visit other country beaches during my 21st birthday this year. I keep having a feeling that their trips will clash on my trip. And I have no choice and no objection but to have their trip go ahead even it clash on mine. Even is Ben not celebrating birthday with me. Hai. I tell you, I have no freedom of speech at this home. Even my boyfriend scolds me when I talk too much. He never understand me. Still like a little boy, doing just what he wants. Never put me in the plans that he had. I feel of moving out. Be alone. Maybe just myself. No family no boyfriend. Good ya? no problem and with money can do whatever I want. No one to scold me. No one to snatch my birthday celebration off again. I will see....wait till I got money, and I feel that he is not worth for me spending my life staying with him, I will move out. I love him. But I realise I must love his family anot even though I don't like some of their attitude. My attitude is not good either. Fine, I will be old and lonely forever.

Revision is making me crazy and never once put my heart at rest. My PMS is not helping in any way! My face!! PIMPLES. ALL SIGNS of stress. Pls god, I been praying to you everyday. Could you let me once feel that my life is worth it?

A rainy sunday

Have been studying real hard for my mirco prelim this coming tuesday. Finally had a day out going to town with my boyfriend. We had dinner at Aston since we are watching a movie at The Cathay at 9.40pm. As we expected, there is a long queue, but heard many gd reviews about it, so we decided to queue for the first time. We reached there about 6.45pm..we are starving by the time we reach. To our horrid, there is two rows of queue! But we decided to queue anyway. Guess what..We queue until 8pm!!!! FREAKY TWO HOURS MAN!!!! The service was horrible!! There are many big groups in our queue..groups like 4-8. So eventually, the indoor seats was fully taken. PS: The indoor seats were very limited. So we were thinking, why cant they just ask them to go outdoor? I heard the manager said that it was drizzling..and worry that it might rain anytime. But when is our turn, we said we dun mind the outdoor. When I went to the outdoor seats, I found that there are plenty of seats! most of them is covered with the big umbrella..so obviously even it rains.. it will not kena. COme on! I started queuing at 6.45pm u claim it will rain. Until 7.30 if it still dun rain.. u can at least allow some of the smaller groups to sit at the outdoor. IT WAS SO HORRIBLE!! I Was like going to faint. The food was quite good though. But the ppl there..i think is only those staff at the outdoor.. they were like blur ppl. I was not trying to be mean. But my group beside me was having problem with them too. The food was ordered wrongly or it did not come. I asked for menu n fork n it did not come too. The waiter jus went in..and out with no fork or menu n standing there. I think they really need to train their staffs. Seriously. Dont spoilt the restaurant reputation for this kinda ppl. The food is good I admit.

Sigh..bf and me went to IT show before that dinner tat why we were so tired. We just want food and seat. We expected wait for half an hour or so..but not like more than 1 hour. IT Show was filled with sooooooo many ppl. It was the most ppl that I ever seen at IT show. TOO MANY! Many idiots r taking pic of the crowds. WTH. For WAD? To put in STOMP to complaint n said things like " WHAT RECESSION?!" Singaporean just like to take videos and photos everywhere they go. I TELL U EVERYWHERE! even when they are driving they are taking videos of the road. WHY?? Bf wanna get a new laptop. The vaios VGN FW35G. But the sales person said no stock. COme tmr. So bf go today. BUTT STILL NO STOCK! That guy still sms me said confirm got stock confirm! Coming in new stock ard 12pm. But when bf reach there, the guy just straight away said NO STOCK. WAD TO DO? And his sis went along. She is like a bug that follows n do what ppl do. PPl buy what she buy wad. ppl eat wad she eat wad. ppl go watch movie nv bring her she kp. HELLO??? 16 YR OLD?! GROW UP. Ur parents need privacy! u think u are still 4 yr old that follow mama to toilet? U see...she follows my bf coz she wan laptop too. And mum...being so nice always...brought her along!! Spoilting her!!! I was so mad. OK even she isn't any close person to me.. but we still stay in same house...and I may become her future sis-in-law. I can't stand spoilt kids. EVeryone noe that! i even put it BIG in my friendster to say I HATE SPOILT KIDS!!!! Not that i am jealous. But I just dun like their YAYA SO WHAT MY PARENTS HV MONEY?! Hello parents. These are the kinda children who will throw u into the elderly home in JB when u are old. I expected that her mum will save a few 50k to buy her a brand new car few years time. Sigh...kids are getting terrible.

Rainy days~

I went to get the report from the fortune teller on monday. As what I expected, full of bad predictions. He said I will remarry three times and have 4 children with diff guys. He said I have great wealth in future but my love life won't be good until 40. SO I GONNA MARRY only after 40?!!WTH. I won't believe this. He said I will have 3 partners who will died after being with me, until after the third one then I can have a stable relationship, UNLESS that guy have really strong n good life! CRAPS. But what he predicted about my character and my family relationship is quite true. I am a fierce woman and only can work as a leader. -_-" NVM. decided to ignore wad he said.

I didnt went for my POA prelim test on monday. I tried studying from sat to sunday.. but couldn
t finish studying it. I am rushing real hard for my prelims and my incoming exams on MAY. My whole sem is based on that exam!! Fail = repeated sem. no second chance. cruel is it UOL. I having so many pimples popping out on my face with no matter how much of oxy applied it still won't go home. Sigh. Looks ugly, tired and desperated. I feel that I am not the type for degree study afterall. I mean.. I couldn't get into a poly to do my diploma becoz of my poor result, so I ended up in SIM for my diploma which only last for 1.5year. It was tough though, but I feel that..I am a person who cant pass my o level, what about degree. And UOL degree is killing people! With all the graphs in mirco, theories of dead ppl thinking of society in sociology..poa..I gonna pronoun dead soon. What if I am so stressed that I went to the same state as the latest horror incident happened in NTU? Nah.. I won't do that. Maybe I just went crazy and kill myself instead of killing other ppl. I miss drinking~~ miss clubbing~ miss dressing up nicely and go shopping. I love to do all these. But is been so longggggggggggggggggg. Sigh. I really hope i can pass my incoming exams. I am stress! I need help. Any tutor who teaches mirco?!!I willing to pay installment for u for the rest of ten years! Just let me score! I am kidding. God bless me pls.

Fortune teller

Went to a fortune teller today at bugis. Didn't get the actual info yet as he said he need to calculate everything. I didnt noe exactly what is my time of birth so dunno the prediction will be accurate anot. My mother did not wanna tell me as asian thinks that by knowing ur time of birth and date, people can curse a spell on you. Was quite worry about my prediction coming though, as he said alot things bad about me by just looking at me. My friend went in but he didnt say too bad about her. Hope the actual prediction will be better. I went to fortune teller to seek an answer for my problems in life. But I know myself deep in my heart that I should trust no one and find a answer in myself. Forture telling is just a guide in life. I went with a half-hearted mindset. Just curious what it may turn out. I know my life havent been very good always. Hope it will turn the better soon.

my first post

I started this blog so that I can relate all my feelings and emotions somewhere. Even since my last birthday, 9th of dec, I been moved out to my boyfriend house for about 2months plus now. Is a terrible birthday gift I admit. I sobbed hard that day, with girlfriend cried seeing how heartbreak i am. I missed my parents of cause. But the agrument with my dad and elder sis have been so bad. I had depression at home. I cried in my room, wishing things will get better by years but it did not. My dad, being the impulsive type, and my sis, both have a real bad mouth that scold you like you're some useless child from the rubbish bin. Many people told me, we are one family, we should forgive one another.But since we are one family, why would them be so nasty to my mum and me? My mum had since moved back home. So she wanted me back too. But i decided not to go back. Friends and myself know, I am not happy there. for many years my ONLY hope is to moved out of the hse. is that desperate. I been crazy in there, having boyfriends, hoping they will marry me so i can moved out and stay happily ever after like the fairytales. Hoping someone will save me! I ever been with someone who is older than me by 9years. I been with two, each lasting for 2 years, although r/s is stable, but one of them turn out to be impulsive as well. My current boyfriend is younger than me one year, but he is nice. We going to be 2rd year soon. I having a great time with his family, I love them. This is the kind of family that I can never get in my life. Life is never fair. This phase I learned when I was 8yr old. I always called home, talking with my mum, visit her every saturday. But she is not pleased. She did not understand how i am feeling. She just want me to go back. I understand. But inside my heart, I feel that I am 21yr old now. I should seek for my own happiness. But being the soft-hearted person, I feel sad for my parents. No matter how they treated me. I am in a great dilemma now. Although I moved out, I do not feel happy at all. But I also do not wanna go back that house. My boyfriend is not helping me in any sense. Sigh..