Chinese New Year

Today is first day of cny. Ben and family went back to msia leaving me alone here at home. Day had been real terrible for me. When I am back home, I had a bad bad bad stomachache and I went toilet nearly 4 times. Painful. I am upset coz my parents keep saying things like, "Nobody is at home, why dont you stay over?" I insisted on going back Ben place...my dad went black face and said many nasty things like "You treat there as home already?" My sister said you become their watchdog when they are not around? But the real reason is that, I do not want to have any argument back at home at any point. If I stayed there for few days, my parents may feel that this is your home, why do you need move back after few days later? You know things like that. My mum felt that I am not married over there, Ben's parents may look down on me, relatives may say. They feel ashamed. They think I dont want? I also wanna have a name in this family. I want to be Ben's wife. As least a status that I can stay here forever and not let anybody gossip. But Ben is still in army, he is the only son, and he is not trying to save up money to marry me! He only earn few hundreds a month. I do not wish to stress him or show him that I am desperate and want someone to marry me. But I have feelings too, sometimes I feel left out...becoz I feel that I am not part of the real family. His parents are gd to me, bring to everywhere to eat. So I just stayed and I stayed for one year already. But today, my parents started to say all these again to make me mad! My dad face went all black the whole night! I wanna tell them, I dont feel love at that home, SO i dun wan move back! Not becoz of anything else. Even if i dont stay here, I will rent a place outside. MYSELF. BUT wait till I earn enough! I am struggling every month to save for 10k to study next year.

My boyfriend, sometimes gd to me, sometimes just ignoring me. Sometimes when i watch other bf will look for their gf whenever the gf leave their sight.But my bf not! He never find me when I am gone or when I am bored somewhere. Then when I complained, he thinks I giving him stress and no freedom. At night, after a night of his game, I wanna chat with him in the room, but he said he wanna sleep and tired. He played the game whole day but nv complained but when I asked to chat he said he is tired. Why? Sometimes I feel my life just suck, birthday and cny unhappy.It should be happy occasion but I just always being sad and alone. My bf and parents made me cry on my birthday. Things always goes bad for me. I feel like dying. BUt I told myself to stay strong. And be independent. Coz in the end, I will still be alone.

today is 7th day of my chicken pox. i am nearly recover now as doctor said I do not need to continue any medicine. Still having headache now and then but getting it in control. The whole week take me 1 whole pack of panadol. Hate chicken pox days!

Chinese new year is coming. Ben's mum is packing and cleaning the balcony and shouting around for ppl to throw their unused shoes away. She only do housework, I mean REAL cleaning only once a year before cny. She asked cousin to unpack the new vacuum cleaner which I suggested to buy last weekend. She knew that vacuum cleaner I requested to buy, why she doesn't ask me to take it out instead. And she actually Thanks her for helping her to vacuum the floor! I do it for her many times, she nv nv once mention any thanks to me. Ah you see, anyway I never forget her asking me home on my first day of chicken pox. I am confused and in pain but she actually asked me to move back home? claiming that nobody cook for me? I can cook myself why do I need anybody to cook for me.She just using an excuse for me to go in order not to spread to her precious daughter and niece. I feel terribly upset and hurt. She doesn't treat me like family at all, after I stayed here for a year. She wanna me off once i got diseases. Sigh. If her niece and daughter got it, I confirm she will take leave whole week from her job and take care of them instead of asking them go! The worse is that, my boyfriend feel is nothing wrong. No problem at all! And i had mistaken her intention for me. Boyfriend has been taking leave to take care of me and making sure I eat medicine. But He doesn't understand that I am upset! He doesn't make my relationship with mum better or anything. He just playing and playing game whole day! Wake up, eat, play game, hungry then eat, then game all the way till sleep. Talk about taking care of me at home, he just make sure I eat medicine and continue playing his games. We argued so many times about his obsession with his games. He said he will change, he will reduce. BUt no results. I am here, enduring his craps and his mum unfair ways of treating me. I hope I get rich. I really hope it.

Chicken pox!

I am having chicken pox now...is 2rd day! I had 2weeks of MC. My colleague must have spread to me and my the other colleague too. It is so painful!!!! I burst quite a few today due to my careless. Throat is painful like hell now.Feel like a rambutan stuck at my throat refusing to swallow. Was feeling so hurt now. Everybody looks at me like I'm a freak. =(

15th Nov, I went to 'PARIS' with baby and family. We also visited Ben's dad apartment in Jordan. It was winter and everywhere was as cold as ice. Things selling in Paris was incredibly expensive!!! I bought a MIU MIU bag which is cheaper than Singapore for about $300 I guess. Only the branded stuff there was cheaper than Singapore.

I have been converted to permanent staff as I decided to postpone my studies for a year.Main result is becoz I failed my UOL badly and decided to try RMIT instead. But realised that I am short of 10k. 10k!!! So no choice..work for a year and save like cow. I can also join my boy on the next year intake for RMIT so we can go and back from school.

Today is the day my new queen size bed arrive at my room. Excited for it as I am hoping for the bed for as long as I stayed here. I am really happy until evening something happen between baby and me. He insisted that I stop buying sandwiches from bakery shop as it is too expensive. But I do not like bread with peanut which has no ham or cheese. So I decided to not seek his words and bought the bread.And the face of his went black.He refused to talk to me. I know why, he thinks it is wasting money coz I buy it almost daily. Another thing is, his wallet only left few dollars, buying bread for me means zero. My wallet was in the car! I could have return to him later.
Then when we went back home, his dad suggest going out himself to drink beer. Guess is becoz his dad argued with his mum, but my baby blamed me! He said "See la, buy ur sandwich no money left dad have to go out buy beer himself." WTH! He nv said that he need to buy beer back for his dad! I straight away return him the 10buck and shouted at him. WTF man! I tried to sayang u, den becoz of this, u blamed me?! I am so so mad now.

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Ben admitted to hospital today becos of a minor surgery for his tonsil. His tonsil are too large and swollen so they need to be cut off in order to prevent sore throat happening too much, most impt....NO MORE SNORING! When I went to see him in the evening at his ward, he can't speak much to me, saying that his throat is too painful. My poor baby. Seeing him like this make my heart ache.

Work life been gd so far, just boring stuff..but strange, I actually like going to work. My colleagues and boss are good ppl, friendly and fun. I love my colleague Crystal & Yanling so much! But tmr is Crystal heading to other department soon. Miss her. GUess wad... I agree to buy a new remote control toy car for baby last saturday for $433!!!!! OMG!!! My heart is seriously pain...but he is bugging me for many days. I used the $300 that I helped him saved last time and the rest was paid by me. I only have this baby, if he is happy, I am happy. Another happy thing is, we decided to buy a new queen size bed!! I am so damn god happy!!!!! No more shifting bed down and up. No more snoring at my ear. We actually wanna budget and buy a whole set at COURTS. But when he told his parents about it, dad actually wanna sponsor us the new bed and told us to buy a better brand. Which means over 1000-2000. I actually wanna use my own money to buy the bed, coz is for both of us to use. But I think coz dad wanna his son to sleep better too. Maybe they will accept my monthly installment to them?! =D

Work = MONEY = HAPPY. I am easily satisfacted. I just need money to survive. To able to bring my baby eat better. And we love one another so much!

Work life!

It has been soo soo long since I last wrote. I had a temp job assignment last min on 23th of july. I am working at CJ now as a temp admin assistant. Work has been great so far! Sometimes there will ton of works to do, sometimes more relax, but I always planned my time well and spread my work evenly. No work = more bored. Known a very nice friend call Yanling there. She was younger than me by 1 year and I saw her at recruit express on the same day I went there to sign my contract! She has been a nice girl, without her at work I think I will be talking to wall. Many people thought we knew each other long ago as we get along so well! Haha. Is always nice to know a friend that get along with you.

My results are coming in early sept. Sigh. I hate the feeling of going back to school, hiding in the room, no TV no internet just study. And the worst part after studying so much is forgetting most parts of it. I hate UOL studies. Is so difficult. =(((

I wish I have more money so I will start to save up for baby and me.

Been having headache and bad sleep recently. My boyfriend snoring has came back. Louder and more! But I knew is part of his throat problem that he will be having surgery next month. But I have been waken up from dreams number of times in the night. Today is a good day for me as phone calls have been coming in. Tomorrow will be having a few interviews which is good news!

Something have been bothering me inside my heart. I am terribly worry about my coming results which is next month. Worse thing happened ytd, my boyfriend room air-con have been dripping water which wet all my notes and study guides which make my mood worse. It makes me feel that I am bound to fail many subjects this time round. I have backup plans in my mind alr. Failing of many subjects running through my mind. Study also stress, never study also stress. I am thinking what kind of occupation I am aiming for after graduate. I totally have no goal or any ambition. I feel aimless in life, which.. doesnt match my character. I am the kind of person who aim towards a goal and do things very systematic. But right now, I only know studying business related is good for my future. But what future? I do not know.