Today is first day of cny. Ben and family went back to msia leaving me alone here at home. Day had been real terrible for me. When I am back home, I had a bad bad bad stomachache and I went toilet nearly 4 times. Painful. I am upset coz my parents keep saying things like, "Nobody is at home, why dont you stay over?" I insisted on going back Ben place...my dad went black face and said many nasty things like "You treat there as home already?" My sister said you become their watchdog when they are not around? But the real reason is that, I do not want to have any argument back at home at any point. If I stayed there for few days, my parents may feel that this is your home, why do you need move back after few days later? You know things like that. My mum felt that I am not married over there, Ben's parents may look down on me, relatives may say. They feel ashamed. They think I dont want? I also wanna have a name in this family. I want to be Ben's wife. As least a status that I can stay here forever and not let anybody gossip. But Ben is still in army, he is the only son, and he is not trying to save up money to marry me! He only earn few hundreds a month. I do not wish to stress him or show him that I am desperate and want someone to marry me. But I have feelings too, sometimes I feel left out...becoz I feel that I am not part of the real family. His parents are gd to me, bring to everywhere to eat. So I just stayed and I stayed for one year already. But today, my parents started to say all these again to make me mad! My dad face went all black the whole night! I wanna tell them, I dont feel love at that home, SO i dun wan move back! Not becoz of anything else. Even if i dont stay here, I will rent a place outside. MYSELF. BUT wait till I earn enough! I am struggling every month to save for 10k to study next year.
My boyfriend, sometimes gd to me, sometimes just ignoring me. Sometimes when i watch other bf will look for their gf whenever the gf leave their sight.But my bf not! He never find me when I am gone or when I am bored somewhere. Then when I complained, he thinks I giving him stress and no freedom. At night, after a night of his game, I wanna chat with him in the room, but he said he wanna sleep and tired. He played the game whole day but nv complained but when I asked to chat he said he is tired. Why? Sometimes I feel my life just suck, birthday and cny unhappy.It should be happy occasion but I just always being sad and alone. My bf and parents made me cry on my birthday. Things always goes bad for me. I feel like dying. BUt I told myself to stay strong. And be independent. Coz in the end, I will still be alone.
15 February 2010
24 January 2010
today is 7th day of my chicken pox. i am nearly recover now as doctor said I do not need to continue any medicine. Still having headache now and then but getting it in control. The whole week take me 1 whole pack of panadol. Hate chicken pox days!
Chinese new year is coming. Ben's mum is packing and cleaning the balcony and shouting around for ppl to throw their unused shoes away. She only do housework, I mean REAL cleaning only once a year before cny. She asked cousin to unpack the new vacuum cleaner which I suggested to buy last weekend. She knew that vacuum cleaner I requested to buy, why she doesn't ask me to take it out instead. And she actually Thanks her for helping her to vacuum the floor! I do it for her many times, she nv nv once mention any thanks to me. Ah you see, anyway I never forget her asking me home on my first day of chicken pox. I am confused and in pain but she actually asked me to move back home? claiming that nobody cook for me? I can cook myself why do I need anybody to cook for me.She just using an excuse for me to go in order not to spread to her precious daughter and niece. I feel terribly upset and hurt. She doesn't treat me like family at all, after I stayed here for a year. She wanna me off once i got diseases. Sigh. If her niece and daughter got it, I confirm she will take leave whole week from her job and take care of them instead of asking them go! The worse is that, my boyfriend feel is nothing wrong. No problem at all! And i had mistaken her intention for me. Boyfriend has been taking leave to take care of me and making sure I eat medicine. But He doesn't understand that I am upset! He doesn't make my relationship with mum better or anything. He just playing and playing game whole day! Wake up, eat, play game, hungry then eat, then game all the way till sleep. Talk about taking care of me at home, he just make sure I eat medicine and continue playing his games. We argued so many times about his obsession with his games. He said he will change, he will reduce. BUt no results. I am here, enduring his craps and his mum unfair ways of treating me. I hope I get rich. I really hope it.
Chinese new year is coming. Ben's mum is packing and cleaning the balcony and shouting around for ppl to throw their unused shoes away. She only do housework, I mean REAL cleaning only once a year before cny. She asked cousin to unpack the new vacuum cleaner which I suggested to buy last weekend. She knew that vacuum cleaner I requested to buy, why she doesn't ask me to take it out instead. And she actually Thanks her for helping her to vacuum the floor! I do it for her many times, she nv nv once mention any thanks to me. Ah you see, anyway I never forget her asking me home on my first day of chicken pox. I am confused and in pain but she actually asked me to move back home? claiming that nobody cook for me? I can cook myself why do I need anybody to cook for me.She just using an excuse for me to go in order not to spread to her precious daughter and niece. I feel terribly upset and hurt. She doesn't treat me like family at all, after I stayed here for a year. She wanna me off once i got diseases. Sigh. If her niece and daughter got it, I confirm she will take leave whole week from her job and take care of them instead of asking them go! The worse is that, my boyfriend feel is nothing wrong. No problem at all! And i had mistaken her intention for me. Boyfriend has been taking leave to take care of me and making sure I eat medicine. But He doesn't understand that I am upset! He doesn't make my relationship with mum better or anything. He just playing and playing game whole day! Wake up, eat, play game, hungry then eat, then game all the way till sleep. Talk about taking care of me at home, he just make sure I eat medicine and continue playing his games. We argued so many times about his obsession with his games. He said he will change, he will reduce. BUt no results. I am here, enduring his craps and his mum unfair ways of treating me. I hope I get rich. I really hope it.
19 January 2010
Chicken pox!
I am having chicken pox now...is 2rd day! I had 2weeks of MC. My colleague must have spread to me and my the other colleague too. It is so painful!!!! I burst quite a few today due to my careless. Throat is painful like hell now.Feel like a rambutan stuck at my throat refusing to swallow. Was feeling so hurt now. Everybody looks at me like I'm a freak. =(
15th Nov, I went to 'PARIS' with baby and family. We also visited Ben's dad apartment in Jordan. It was winter and everywhere was as cold as ice. Things selling in Paris was incredibly expensive!!! I bought a MIU MIU bag which is cheaper than Singapore for about $300 I guess. Only the branded stuff there was cheaper than Singapore.
15th Nov, I went to 'PARIS' with baby and family. We also visited Ben's dad apartment in Jordan. It was winter and everywhere was as cold as ice. Things selling in Paris was incredibly expensive!!! I bought a MIU MIU bag which is cheaper than Singapore for about $300 I guess. Only the branded stuff there was cheaper than Singapore.
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